haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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