put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
‪Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best. ‬
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