No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
