College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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