We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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