I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
