did you get engaged???
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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