Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
