he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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