Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
