You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
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It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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