if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
