Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
we made out on top of his cat.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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