i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize