I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
