mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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