we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Randomize
