Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
