I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
This is my gift to your gina
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
