i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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