Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
