If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I want to be your penis for a week.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
