I just made out with a guy for $7.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
