it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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