My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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