did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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