hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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