I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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