but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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