Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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