I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
