Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
