Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Two words: blizzard sex
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I love you. Go after that dick
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
