Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
