grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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