My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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