sorry about calling you the devil all night.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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