Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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