Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
