see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize