He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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