Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
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I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
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I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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