My room smells like vodka and shame
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
