Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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