you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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