You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
