it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Randomize
