They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
