Well douche your snatch and let's go!
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
