From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
