I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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