Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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