Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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