only if we run a train.
done.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
