seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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