I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
