i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
