tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Panties = found
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
