did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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