Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
