How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
