There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
