On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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