I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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