No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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