the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
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