My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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